Tag Archives: past

11242012 – The Storm

Thundering laughter,

Always a smile before the storm.

At ease, at peace, together.

pure bliss.

Thank God we did not know, that it would soon end

and we’d spend the rest of our lives

Longing, missing, reminiscing.

Living through a different storm

consisting of your absence.

No thunder, no lighting,

Just rain.


We threw it all away.

Let’s pretend that life was different.
Let’s pretend you never asked me to wait.
Let’s pretend you had a little more confidence, I had a little more kindness, and we were both a lot more brave.

I really do miss our friendship, although I cannot honestly say that I think about it often.
At times like these, when I think about the past, purely for the purpose of reflection –
I question when and where we threw everything away.

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I saw you.

I saw your face, before I closed my eyes to sleep.
The image so crystal clear, I shrieked.
I felt like I could touch it,
But your skin, barely covering your bones, was too blue 
And I was afraid.
My heart worked too hard,
As I attempted to breathe.
I forcefully closed my eyes, only to open them and find that I could still see you.
I saw you.

 


Bookstores.

No matter how much technology tries to convince me, I refuse to abandon my local bookstore.

There’s something about the smell of old books, new books, old bookcases. 

There’s something about that old couple who runs the place and smiles, talks, and recommends something from another time.

There’s something about the people who sit in bookstores, so absorbed that they jump when you accidentally step on their toes.

There’s something about the kids who climb the shelves, picking up books and saying, “Daddy I want this one.”

There’s something about the feel of glossy covers, torn edges, printed knowledge.

Time feels unlimited, life feels more simple, happiness less far away.

Loneliness vanishes.

Instant connection to the past, wisdom, strangers, your own personal thoughts. 

I really do hope that the bookstore does not become extinct. I want the future to feel what I feel when I walk inside and stay a while. I really do hope that paper books do not become things of the past. I want the future to know what it’s like to curl up in bed with a good book. 

 


Forgetting – the involuntary dismissal of the past

I don’t like reflecting on my days, weeks,  or years. I have realized that the reason I dislike reminiscing is because I remember so little. This realization makes  me sad, because I know I have had such wonderful experiences, I have met extraordinary people, and I have made memories with family and friends. I am filled with great sorrow – as I cannot seem to remember so many things that have filled my days, my life, my heart. The good and the bad both disappear from my memory. I sit and I wonder, but I remain clueless.

Lost. That’s how I feel. I feel like life has tricked me into happiness and tricked me into anguish, but has not granted my brain the permission to access the memories.
I feel like time has left me with the recollection of experienced emotions, but has deprived me of any sort of context.

This involuntary dismissal of the past has taught me a very important lesson:

All success and all failure is temporary.
All joy and all sorrow is  passing.
Time is finite and opportunity is limitless.
So do what you need to do and do it for you,
And later, when you cannot recall exactly what happened,
You’ll know that you were truly happy.

02242012


New Year, Old Me.

People don’t change once a new calendar is hung.

People don’t become better because they say they will tomorrow, next week, next month, later in the year…

Change occurs when our desire for change overcomes our addiction to old behavior and attitude.

We become better when we strive to be better – mentally, physically, and emotionally.

This New Year inspires many to make “resolutions,” but may our resolutions be deeper than just hopes: may these resolutions become every day goals and motivations.

Here’s to a new year, and the same old me becoming the person I was meant to be.

New year, old me, following my dreams.

 


Don’t go.

I’m fairly certain you will leave.

My brain has convinced me that I don’t have what it takes to make you stay.

It has made me believe that one day, you’ll wake up and realize that I am not worth it: not worth your time, your effort, your love.
You’ll walk away, you won’t look back, you’ll find happiness.

I don’t know why I am certain of this.
You have done absolutely nothing to make me believe the things that my brain has made me believe.
You have been so kind, understanding, and patient.

That’s why I keep saying, “I’m scared.”
It irritates you, every single time.
And for good reason.

But I am scared.
I am scared that I will lose you.

I’m sorry for being insecure and doubtful.
I can’t help it, I really can’t.
If you only knew what goes on in my head before I go to sleep…
I’m just scared.
I pray that you stay.