Tag Archives: thoughts

I asked you to …

I asked you to come back,

You asked me to come back.

I came back

And that’s when I realized that you never left.

My world lies to me – it seeks to convince me that you’re gone and busy.
But in the silence, in my despair
You reach out to me, you whisper in my ear:

I’m here.

I’m here, I’m there, I’m wherever you are –
My love never leaves you,
I’m here, love.
I’ll always be here. 

02222012


Love What You Do

Life is beautifully chaotic.

Nobody really knows what they’re doing.
But we’re living.
We’re breathing
We’re running.
Time is flying.

Do what you love.
Because time is not infinite.
Love what you do.
Because this life is all we’ve got.

 

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Thoughts on Forgiveness.

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” – Confucius 

I came across this quote on Tumblr – a website I love, but one that has never encouraged me to write. I sat alone in my cold, dark room thinking about forgiveness and revenge. I have always been a proponent of forgiving, learning, and moving on. But this idea of “revenge” has always sparked some curiosity in my being. Growing up, I was always told to not seek revenge, because it leads to a cycle of injury and retaliation. Nonetheless, a little voice in my head still occasionally screams “Get him back! You can do this and this and this….They’ll know exactly how you feel. Ohh, you can teach them!” Does this make me a bad person? I don’t think so. We’re only human. But there’s a reason that society and most religions teach forgiveness – because it is what we need to live with ourselves and others in a world that is constantly pushing us to our limits.

Revenge is not a solution. It doesn’t make anybody feel good in the long run. It fractures friendships, breaks hearts, and paves the way to feelings of guilt, depression, and pain. Revenge is a symbol of the lack of self-control, and it arises out of our inability to accept the fact that everybody makes mistakes.

“To err is human, to forgive – divine.”  – Alexander Pope

So I encourage you, dear reader, to forgive. Not to pretend that nothing is wrong, not to hug the person that has hurt you, not to forget. I encourage you to forgive – because that’s the only way to save yourself from being hurt by the same betrayal more than once. Forgiveness is the only way to move on – with peace, serenity, and self-confidence. Forgiveness is the only way out of painful thoughts and situations – it frees your mind and stitches up the tears within your heart. Forgiveness provides us with the ability to think clearly – to make rational choices about what comes next.

“Forgiving and being forgiven are two names for the same thing. The important thing is that a discord has been resolved.”  ~ C.S. Lewis


The Loss of Intelligent Conversation.

I guess the way to get a million followers is to write about exciting things that the majority of bloggers/blog readers find either witty, funny, and/or insightful.
These posts should also probably include a disproportionate amount of photographs, a few words, and probably a numbered list of some sort. Also, pure entertainment should be the primary goal of every post. Nobody really likes to talk about things that matter, because they are so afraid of disagreement and debate. Everyone is afraid to hurt everyone else’s feelings, and “attack” everyone else’s beliefs. The internet is known to be this great source of knowledge and a significant manifestation of progress.  But oh my God, when did we become so shallow? When did moral relativism and dismissal of this idea of “truth” become so widely accepted.  Don’t we care about our beliefs? Don’t we care about the values of others? What’s the point of believing in anything, if we go around saying things like: “We’ll never know the truth, so we might as well drop this argument”? Sure, it’s fine to believe in different things, and sure, we may never know the answers to many of our questions. But by rejecting the existence of truth, aren’t we also dismissing our own personal beliefs?

Personal beliefs are sensitive issues, but by no means are belief systems the only topics of shallow discourse online. Let’s take celebrity Twitter accounts. A celebrity says something offensive [I’m sure you can think of many of these occurrences, and therefore I won’t list names] about either politics, socio-economic issues, a TV show, another celebrity, etc.  and fans go nuts. Social media sites have brought celebrities closer to their fans, but have also forced the people involved to put on facades. Celebrities who say things the majority of people do not like later apologize or have to have some big-time interview explaining why they said what they said. The problem, though, is not in these celebrities. It’s in the fans. Why are fans constantly criticizing successful human beings? Why must these humans beings think and talk in such a way as to not offend anybody? Why do we expect public figures to be “better” than regular citizens? We want to see these stars as real life people, but we really hate when they aren’t perfect and say things that we don’t like. But most importantly, why are we so afraid of allowing people to voice the things they truly think, regardless of whether or not we think their opinions are correct? Why are we so sensitive?

There are many people out there who have world views that you and I may find to be absolutely ridiculous, yet it is ignorant to silence them: because they exist.
And when views exist they have power, regardless of whether or not they adhere to our standards.

Why are we so afraid of our own thoughts?
Why do we fear our own humanity?


Words Behind Bars

There is so much to say,
But so little silence.
So many thoughts –
But sleep creeps in, and then they are lost
Lost, lost, lost forever in dreamland.

Every confusion, every mistake –
Speaks and never ceases to attack
The helpless mind, that has no alternative but to call it a day,
Admits defeat, but refuses to quit trying…
Tomorrow, tomorrow:  thoughts will be free.

But there is no time to let one’s mind wander.
And there is so little courage to grant freedom to words.
Everyday, tedious tasks occupy ninety-nine percent of our thinking faculties,
Everyday, our own judgmental inclinations seal our lips and freeze our tongues-
Yet we continue to justify our silence to ourselves,  claiming it arises out of fear of criticism from others.

Thus, words remain behind bars.
Thoughts remain in compartments in our hearts.
They are factors in our decision-making processes, our value judgments, our emotions.
They define our perception of the world, yet they are buried, hidden, obscure, personal.
They define our relationships with others, ourselves, our surroundings.
So powerful, so secret, but yet so universal.


Among the clouds.

Fog invades the bay –
The world is suddenly covered in a cloud,
The world becomes so small, known, and cold.

My fingers are numb,
The cold stings my face,
Little droplets of mist tickle my nose.

Fog, a cold breeze, a bright sun –
It’s winter in California.
What I would do if I could spend it with you and your warm laughter.


Don’t go.

I’m fairly certain you will leave.

My brain has convinced me that I don’t have what it takes to make you stay.

It has made me believe that one day, you’ll wake up and realize that I am not worth it: not worth your time, your effort, your love.
You’ll walk away, you won’t look back, you’ll find happiness.

I don’t know why I am certain of this.
You have done absolutely nothing to make me believe the things that my brain has made me believe.
You have been so kind, understanding, and patient.

That’s why I keep saying, “I’m scared.”
It irritates you, every single time.
And for good reason.

But I am scared.
I am scared that I will lose you.

I’m sorry for being insecure and doubtful.
I can’t help it, I really can’t.
If you only knew what goes on in my head before I go to sleep…
I’m just scared.
I pray that you stay.


Everlasting love.

My perception of this idea of “eternity” is blurry, although I certainly believe in its existence.
I am unable to fully comprehend what it means to be eternally loved.
Nonetheless, God tells me:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”  
Jeremiah 31:3

He tells me that he continues to show me kindness –
Because his faithfulness is unfailing, and his love is without restrictions.
I am in awe of such a love – one that is everlasting and unconditional.

My relationship with God has been bumpy the past few weeks,
And this is an immediate consequence of my failure to show up on our daily dates – with an open heart, an open Book, and a grateful soul.

Life gets busy, problems require solutions, tests require studying, etc.
I depend on my own knowledge and strength, until I realize that I cannot face this life on my own.
And then, when a reality check informs me that I need God back,
He says “I have drawn you with unfailing kindness,”
He never let go, even when my life permitted him only a few minutes of my oh-so-valuable time.

He took all my problems, my struggles, my tears, my pain…
He took them and told me to rest, to find peace in his everlasting love, which was independent of  who I was and what I had failed to do to.

” But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5

I am undeserving of such a sacrifice, such a Love, and such a friendship.
I am constantly amazed at how much value I have in God’s eyes, and how much room he keeps for me in his heart.

I am loved.
You are loved.
And from experiencing this beautiful love – we must also learn how to love – unconditionally and eternally.
Becoming better friends with others, ourselves, and God.



Thoughts from a messy mind: Lessons Learned from Henry

June 3, 2011

He swims and splashes

Without a care in the world.

He makes a scene when he wants his water changed

And he stares when he wants me to feed him

Now tell me that fish are not intelligent creatures.

I feed him, I love him, I care for him.

He trusts me.

It took him a while – in the beginning, he would sit at the bottom of his bowl, facing the window.

He wouldn’t play, he wouldn’t  play his little game of bubbles.

He just sat, and sulked.

It made me sad to see him so sad.

I thought of returning him to the store tank, full of fellow goldfish.

But the thought of returning him to that gross tank, where his friends float upside down within days..scared me, made me change my mind.

I thought of getting him a friend, but his bowl is just too small for two fish, and there was no way I had the time to manage a full on aquarium.

So now he was sad and I was sadder.

And I felt like there was nothing I could do.

So I went on making sure his home was clean and he was fed – the basics of survival.

A few weeks passed, and Henry began to trust me.

His dependence on me for food and clean water was obviously one of the reasons.

But I believe he began to know that I cared for him – because I provided him with his needs every single day.

He plays with me, and he likes to show off how fast he can swim when I’m near his fishbowl.

I can feel his happiness, and it makes me smile.

“Calm down, he’s just a fish” – that’s what my friends and family seem to tell me everyday.

No, he’s not “just a fish.”

He is my very first pet.

I assumed responsibility for him, and I have succeeded.

This new responsibility shows me how dependent all living things are.

Yes, humans may be “intelligent creatures.”

But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters for our physical survival is food and a safe environment.

We may be able to invent all sorts of cool, techy things, but without the basics, we are pretty much hopeless.

I am dependent on God.

He provides for me. I trust Him.

Not only does He provide me with the basics, but he provides me with friendship, wisdom, and love.

His provisions are immeasurable.

Why not trust and befriend the one who has loved me first, who will never, ever leave?


Empty Words.

Empty words cannot fix a broken heart.
Empty words cannot end an argument or misunderstanding.
Empty words cannot change the world.
Empty words do not give hope.

Sometimes we talk just for the sake of talking. We just say anything and everything – things we mean and things we don’t. We all love to talk, especially if someone is listening.

What comes to mind is uttering phrases, words, and sentences that we really don’t mean. We use these words not because we want to say them, but because we are being mannered and nice. They aren’t exactly lies, but we’re not exactly telling the truth either. Mere emptiness. These words are of no value, yet we let them escape into the air, and stay there forever.

Why?

Everyone wants to be polite. So we say things like “Thank you” at the cash register even though the individual’s customer service was absolutely horrible. We smile a toothy smile and run out, muttering under our breath about never returning.
Now I’m not saying we should yell or anything, because we should always control our temper. However, what I’m saying is that our feelings and thoughts should reflect the words that come out of our mouths. Our pretty words should be full of pretty thoughts.
If I say “Thank you” to the rude sales associate, I must, somewhere in my little human heart, find room to be thankful for at least something.

Emptiness is chaos, hatred, anger.
Empty words are lies, hollow promises, false excuses.
Empty words flow from those whose hearts are empty and wish to remain that way.
Empty words are destruction, they are useless.

So today, I am reevaluating my approach at all the bad stuff that happens to me. I am letting it go, I am accepting all of my troubles as challenges. I am filling my heart with hope, and filling my words with meaning, sincere meaning that comes from my heart. And if my thoughts are not kind, I will change them before I let them escape through my lips. If my words are empty, I will fill them with love.