Tag Archives: troubles

Your own goals at your own pace.

I’m sitting in a campus café, overhearing conversations about classes, jobs, internships, etc.
I’m feeling inferior – I am definitely not taking as many classes, not applying to excessively time demanding positions, not doing as much. Period.

But then I step back and drown out the noise.
I have to stop and remind myself:

Grade point averages don’t define my worth (sometimes I wish they did)
The number of classes I am tackling this semester does not define my intelligence.

We all have different talents, work habits, interests.
We all have different plans, world-views, strategies.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us –
We need to be the best we can be;

We need to give everything we do a hundred percent,

Success is the reward for effort and perseverance,

Achieve your own goals at your own pace – you’ll be surprised at what you’re capable of.

Listen to your mind, body, heart:  Only you know what’s best for you.

 04102012

Advertisements

Words Behind Bars

There is so much to say,
But so little silence.
So many thoughts –
But sleep creeps in, and then they are lost
Lost, lost, lost forever in dreamland.

Every confusion, every mistake –
Speaks and never ceases to attack
The helpless mind, that has no alternative but to call it a day,
Admits defeat, but refuses to quit trying…
Tomorrow, tomorrow:  thoughts will be free.

But there is no time to let one’s mind wander.
And there is so little courage to grant freedom to words.
Everyday, tedious tasks occupy ninety-nine percent of our thinking faculties,
Everyday, our own judgmental inclinations seal our lips and freeze our tongues-
Yet we continue to justify our silence to ourselves,  claiming it arises out of fear of criticism from others.

Thus, words remain behind bars.
Thoughts remain in compartments in our hearts.
They are factors in our decision-making processes, our value judgments, our emotions.
They define our perception of the world, yet they are buried, hidden, obscure, personal.
They define our relationships with others, ourselves, our surroundings.
So powerful, so secret, but yet so universal.


Stress

Sitting in a room that is vibrating with stress:

Individuals biting their nails, pulling at their hair, forcing their sleepy eyes to remain open…

Hoping for time to freeze, if only for a second, a minute, an hour, a day, or forever.

But the clock bell tower rings promptly every hour.

Time goes on and on and on.

The only thing to do is accept reality: Life doesn’t wait for anybody.

Things happen whether we’re ready for them, or not.

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life — It goes on.” – Robert Frost

 

12122011


Life doesn’t have to be fair.

Life doesn’t have to treat you kindly.

You have to be strong during the stresses, the storms it sends your ways.

Life doesn’t have to be convenient,

You have to be prepared for the good, the bad, the impossible.

Life doesn’t have to follow your plans,

You have to stick to your dreams, regardless of temporary detours.

Life just doesn’t have to be fair, and let’s face it, it really isn’t fair:

But it’s so very beautiful, if you choose happiness.


Among the clouds.

Fog invades the bay –
The world is suddenly covered in a cloud,
The world becomes so small, known, and cold.

My fingers are numb,
The cold stings my face,
Little droplets of mist tickle my nose.

Fog, a cold breeze, a bright sun –
It’s winter in California.
What I would do if I could spend it with you and your warm laughter.


Being friends with girls.

In my past, I didn’t consider myself to have been blessed with the best of girl friends.
Growing up, I learned the hard way that friends are not always dependable, loving, or there when I needed them most.
Throughout the years and after many, many tears – I gave up.

I couldn’t see the point of being a good friend to a girl who would later make fun of me in front of a boy on whom I had a crush on.
I didn’t want friends who didn’t care about me. I was needy, desperate for a really good friend.
Yes, I was a child, but I wanted a friendship that would be forever. I wanted something that most kids don’t really think about in elementary school, something people only think about once they get out of high school.

So, I didn’t build these friendships. I gave up. I didn’t give up crying about it to my mother until about high school.
I just wanted to be friends with someone who I could have sleep overs with, watch movies, go camping, climb trees, ride bicycles, read books, etc with.

I wanted to be friends with a girl whose main concerns were not hair, make up, boys, gossip, and being popular.
I wanted to be friends with a girl who would not be interested in my boy friends.
I wanted to be friends with a girl who wanted to be friends with me, just because.

My mother told me to pray about it.
She said that that’s how friends worked. She said that that’s just how people were and that my expectations were wonderful, but that I had to realize that people would always be flaky, inconsistent, and superficial.
My mother told me to pick up all of my tears and turn my disappointment into motivation.
She told me to focus on being a good friend to God and to trust him to find me people who would change my life for the better.
So that’s what I did. I invested more time into becoming a good friend. I invested more time into my relationship with God.
I prayed, and mostly, I waited.

Mind you, I was a thirteen year old girl at the time.
I didn’t understand many things, and I had been disenchanted with many of my relationships.
But I truly believed that life was beautiful.

I focused on school, and I loved my books.
I spent more time with family.
But I kept asking for a friend, “just ONE God, please?”

He gave me three!
I met each of them independently, I thought they were kind of weird.
We were all going through the preteen phase…that should explain a lot.
We were just regular old friends, but we had something so very extraordinary (and we didn’t even know it).

Although life is crazy, busy, and fast
Although distance is an inconvenience-
Although we’ve had our ups and downs…
Something so beautiful unites us.

~

I miss you girls, so very much.
You three are blessings.
Cannot wait for the Thanksgiving reunion- for hugs and stories and adventures.

Lots of love.

 


Everlasting love.

My perception of this idea of “eternity” is blurry, although I certainly believe in its existence.
I am unable to fully comprehend what it means to be eternally loved.
Nonetheless, God tells me:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”  
Jeremiah 31:3

He tells me that he continues to show me kindness –
Because his faithfulness is unfailing, and his love is without restrictions.
I am in awe of such a love – one that is everlasting and unconditional.

My relationship with God has been bumpy the past few weeks,
And this is an immediate consequence of my failure to show up on our daily dates – with an open heart, an open Book, and a grateful soul.

Life gets busy, problems require solutions, tests require studying, etc.
I depend on my own knowledge and strength, until I realize that I cannot face this life on my own.
And then, when a reality check informs me that I need God back,
He says “I have drawn you with unfailing kindness,”
He never let go, even when my life permitted him only a few minutes of my oh-so-valuable time.

He took all my problems, my struggles, my tears, my pain…
He took them and told me to rest, to find peace in his everlasting love, which was independent of  who I was and what I had failed to do to.

” But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5

I am undeserving of such a sacrifice, such a Love, and such a friendship.
I am constantly amazed at how much value I have in God’s eyes, and how much room he keeps for me in his heart.

I am loved.
You are loved.
And from experiencing this beautiful love – we must also learn how to love – unconditionally and eternally.
Becoming better friends with others, ourselves, and God.