11032012 – Words

It’s been so long. It’s been too long.

I feel that words have been calling me, pulling me in, begging me to Let Them Be.

I mute them. I go on living. I attempt to have actual conversations with actual people.

I try to hide my journal and forget the passwords to my blogs.

I’ve been living in the Real World,

But my Real World Thoughts were undeveloped, unexpressed, and uninteresting to those I shared them with.

So I let these thoughts dance around in my mind before I went to sleep, while I doodled in my lecture hall, while I drove my car.

And this made me feel crazy. In my very real world, where I could not escape to the internet, I didn’t feel like I was fully engaged in my life. I was disinterested in the things happening around me. I was not impressed by all the things that should have impressed me. I was moody. I wanted to talk and listen to others talk about things that are probably not important, but so intriguing nonetheless.

I’m back to my internet community. I enjoy all the email correspondences, comments, feedback, and everything else from my followers and others who stop by to read what I write. It’s a shame that we’re scattered around the globe and cannot meet for coffee and deep talks.

 

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2 responses to “11032012 – Words

  • Eliza

    I’ve missed reading your posts! Glad to see you’re back! :) Can I ask why you decided to take a break? Was it actually intentional?

    • Nelya

      Hi Eliza,
      Thanks! I am glad to be back! :)
      I took a break for a few reasons. I was accused of escaping the real world and confrontational conversations with people in my life. I thought that taking a break would give me some sort of clarity on the direction of my life. I also had a few friendships that needed mending. So, basically, I tried to be more “grown up” and deal with my thoughts, people, and my life outside of the public domain. It’s very difficult for me to blog impersonally, and I didn’t want what I was going through to be out in the open for all to see. I didn’t have coherent thoughts at the time. I felt like I had nothing of substance to even say. My writing has suffered, no doubt. I’m back anyway, because words are so liberating.

      I’m excited to read all the posts I’ve missed!

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