11032012 – Words

It’s been so long. It’s been too long.

I feel that words have been calling me, pulling me in, begging me to Let Them Be.

I mute them. I go on living. I attempt to have actual conversations with actual people.

I try to hide my journal and forget the passwords to my blogs.

I’ve been living in the Real World,

But my Real World Thoughts were undeveloped, unexpressed, and uninteresting to those I shared them with.

So I let these thoughts dance around in my mind before I went to sleep, while I doodled in my lecture hall, while I drove my car.

And this made me feel crazy. In my very real world, where I could not escape to the internet, I didn’t feel like I was fully engaged in my life. I was disinterested in the things happening around me. I was not impressed by all the things that should have impressed me. I was moody. I wanted to talk and listen to others talk about things that are probably not important, but so intriguing nonetheless.

I’m back to my internet community. I enjoy all the email correspondences, comments, feedback, and everything else from my followers and others who stop by to read what I write. It’s a shame that we’re scattered around the globe and cannot meet for coffee and deep talks.

 

Who I like and why I like them.

I like my friends. They don’t have to physically be there for me every second of every day, but I know they are always a phone call away. I know they love me, despite the distance and time between us. I know I have not been forgotten and I know I will never forget them, because they put so much sunshine into my life. Throughout the years and all of our fears, mistakes, and disagreements, we stick together because we know that every second is a blessing, a learning experience, a test of our strength. When reunited, it feels like the stars are all lined up, the world is full of rainbows and butterflies, and life appears bigger and full of endless possibilities. This is perhaps the most corny thing I have ever written, but it’s true. It’s how I feel. It’s how I hope they feel. Everything just feels right, even if everything is totally wrong and chaos surrounds us.

I liked them because they do not seek to be the center of attention. They are not selfish I like them because they listen, laugh, and love more than they talk, complain, and hate. We always have the most fun, even when doing nothing. I like them because we have similar values. We make it a point to be bluntly honest with each other, because we know the value of truth and correction. They usually use their common sense, they know their self-worth, their lives do not revolve around other’s opinions of them.

I like my friends. We don’t put labels on our friendships, we just let them be. We know they are special, and although we do not have time in our every day life to communicate, we value them all the same. 

I love my best friends. Why? Because their friendship is unconditional.

 

 

A letter to a grave five thousand miles away.

I wish I never promised.
I wish I could have stayed. 
I wish that life had granted us more time,
More laughter,
More breakfasts together
More more more,
But less pain.

And maybe you didn’t know,
But every time I said goodbye, my heart broke.
I loved your home, your laughter, your love for all of life.
You didn’t pick and choose, you saw beauty where I saw chaos.
Your world view inspires me, I take it with me through life’s journey.
I want to see the world how you saw it.
I want to sit and chat and learn.
I miss your wisdom and sincerity.
I miss you.  

Empty Words.

Empty words cannot fix a broken heart.
Empty words cannot end an argument or misunderstanding.
Empty words cannot change the world.
Empty words do not give hope.

Sometimes we talk just for the sake of talking. We just say anything and everything – things we mean and things we don’t. We all love to talk, especially if someone is listening.

What comes to mind is uttering phrases, words, and sentences that we really don’t mean. We use these words not because we want to say them, but because we are being mannered and nice. They aren’t exactly lies, but we’re not exactly telling the truth either. Mere emptiness. These words are of no value, yet we let them escape into the air, and stay there forever.

Why?

Everyone wants to be polite. So we say things like “Thank you” at the cash register even though the individual’s customer service was absolutely horrible. We smile a toothy smile and run out, muttering under our breath about never returning.
Now I’m not saying we should yell or anything, because we should always control our temper. However, what I’m saying is that our feelings and thoughts should reflect the words that come out of our mouths. Our pretty words should be full of pretty thoughts.
If I say “Thank you” to the rude sales associate, I must, somewhere in my little human heart, find room to be thankful for at least something.

Emptiness is chaos, hatred, anger.
Empty words are lies, hollow promises, false excuses.
Empty words flow from those whose hearts are empty and wish to remain that way.
Empty words are destruction, they are useless.

So today, I am reevaluating my approach at all the bad stuff that happens to me. I am letting it go, I am accepting all of my troubles as challenges. I am filling my heart with hope, and filling my words with meaning, sincere meaning that comes from my heart. And if my thoughts are not kind, I will change them before I let them escape through my lips. If my words are empty, I will fill them with love.