Glistening, colorful lights.
Hot, sweet lattes.
Cold, loud nights.
Laughter.
Friends.
Joy.
Why is my heart a galaxy away?
Glistening, colorful lights.
Hot, sweet lattes.
Cold, loud nights.
Laughter.
Friends.
Joy.
Why is my heart a galaxy away?
Done wishing that the little things I care about so much were different.
Done hoping that you’d realize and love enough to make an effort.
Done giving you the resources you need to make this work.
I’m finished. My work here is done.
In the silence, in the rain, on a rough day.
All I can see is your smile. All i can hear is your laugh.
I smile, as tears run down my face.
Just like you smiled, when you held my face with your calloused hands, as you kissed my cheeks.
As I talked on and made promises I could never keep, you just nodded.
You nodded, hugged, cried, laughed.
You may be Resting in Peace, but your Love Fights my Wars.
It always wins.
I hear, see, observe the same thing.
On girls who are in love, in clouds.
On girls whose boys are not serious, too young.
On girls who have been in one relationship, for one month, for one moment.
Promise rings.
Useless.
To cure the disease that is doubt, perhaps.
Meaningless.
Promises, like legal contracts, are only necessary when they are broken.
Less than two weeks ago, I took my final exams for the semester. I cannot believe how fast time seems to run, and how much I have learned this year. During the exam season, I tend to become overly stressed out and full of self-doubt. It’s a really bad habit, but a high-stress environment messes with my brain. So I went home. I went home, I sat in my swimsuit in my backyard, I let the sun warm my skin and homemade iced tea lemonade to quench my thirst, and I filled every empty pocket in my brain with calculus, economics, and legal history. It sounds kind of awful, doesn’t it? But I had so much fun with my books, calculator, and computer. My family was there to encourage me, and this encouraging and nurturing environment enabled me to build up the little self-confidence I had.
I aced those finals. I saw my grades at one o’clock in the morning last week and squealed with joy, in a car with two of my best friends. I still cannot believe that all that work paid off.
A little confidence can really go a long way.
After my finals, I went back to my hometown for a week. I spent days in the sun with people I love. I ate yummy food. I sat amazed at how good it felt to just be alive.
Happiness consists of being fully alive.
I am currently back at my studies. It will be a difficult six weeks, but I am looking forward to continuing my summer vacation in July.
I apologize for the delay in my blogging. I felt that it would be slightly hypocritical to write about happiness at a time in which happiness seemed to be completely out of my grasp. But it wasn’t. Happiness was always right there, I was just too afraid of failure to embrace it.
I resolve to have a little faith in myself, and a whole lot of faith in God.
You said “I will”
You said “I promise”
You said you’d try your best.
And as those words came through your lips,
I smiled a sad smile –
I knew how rarely promises were kept,
I knew I didn’t like them for that reason.
And these promises weren’t even about big, important things.
They were little, ordinary assurances
You broke them and honey I believe in signs –
No, I’m not angry, but my trust in your words has sunk a little further.
Perhaps this is me overreacting.
Perhaps you are incapable of keeping your word.
Promises, promises, promises –
Please don’t make them, and save everyone the hurt.
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