It’s been so long. It’s been too long.
I feel that words have been calling me, pulling me in, begging me to Let Them Be.
I mute them. I go on living. I attempt to have actual conversations with actual people.
I try to hide my journal and forget the passwords to my blogs.
I’ve been living in the Real World,
But my Real World Thoughts were undeveloped, unexpressed, and uninteresting to those I shared them with.
So I let these thoughts dance around in my mind before I went to sleep, while I doodled in my lecture hall, while I drove my car.
And this made me feel crazy. In my very real world, where I could not escape to the internet, I didn’t feel like I was fully engaged in my life. I was disinterested in the things happening around me. I was not impressed by all the things that should have impressed me. I was moody. I wanted to talk and listen to others talk about things that are probably not important, but so intriguing nonetheless.
I’m back to my internet community. I enjoy all the email correspondences, comments, feedback, and everything else from my followers and others who stop by to read what I write. It’s a shame that we’re scattered around the globe and cannot meet for coffee and deep talks.
Forcing a Friendship is worse than Letting It Go.
My mother always said to be nice, but being nice is easier than being a friend.
And maybe not being friends will make it possible for me to be nicer.
I have finally realized that you are not worth it – not my time, not my happiness.
Beauty shines in darkness,
Its kindness permeates sadness,
Its few, encouraging words in moments of pain make room for healing.
Its humbleness is a breath of fresh air in the competitive, bustling world.
Beauty’s simplicity is self-evident, and its value is beyond words or numbers.
Beautiful people are those whose hearts are worth more than gold, because they are inclusive, kind, loving, and do not succumb to the selfishness our world preaches.
Most of all, beautiful people rarely think of themselves this way.
So I encourage you, to tell that friend/stranger/classmate/family member that just radiates inward beauty that the world is a better place because of who they are.
Value them. They are more rare than one may think.
Let’s pretend that life was different.
Let’s pretend you never asked me to wait.
Let’s pretend you had a little more confidence, I had a little more kindness, and we were both a lot more brave.
I really do miss our friendship, although I cannot honestly say that I think about it often.
At times like these, when I think about the past, purely for the purpose of reflection –
I question when and where we threw everything away.
I’m sitting in a campus café, overhearing conversations about classes, jobs, internships, etc.
I’m feeling inferior – I am definitely not taking as many classes, not applying to excessively time demanding positions, not doing as much. Period.
But then I step back and drown out the noise.
I have to stop and remind myself:
Grade point averages don’t define my worth (sometimes I wish they did)
The number of classes I am tackling this semester does not define my intelligence.
We all have different talents, work habits, interests.
We all have different plans, world-views, strategies.
We need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us –
We need to be the best we can be;
We need to give everything we do a hundred percent,
Success is the reward for effort and perseverance,
Achieve your own goals at your own pace – you’ll be surprised at what you’re capable of.
Listen to your mind, body, heart: Only you know what’s best for you.