I hear, see, observe the same thing.
On girls who are in love, in clouds.
On girls whose boys are not serious, too young.
On girls who have been in one relationship, for one month, for one moment.
To cure the disease that is doubt, perhaps.
Promises, like legal contracts, are only necessary when they are broken.
It’s been so long. It’s been too long.
I feel that words have been calling me, pulling me in, begging me to Let Them Be.
I mute them. I go on living. I attempt to have actual conversations with actual people.
I try to hide my journal and forget the passwords to my blogs.
I’ve been living in the Real World,
But my Real World Thoughts were undeveloped, unexpressed, and uninteresting to those I shared them with.
So I let these thoughts dance around in my mind before I went to sleep, while I doodled in my lecture hall, while I drove my car.
And this made me feel crazy. In my very real world, where I could not escape to the internet, I didn’t feel like I was fully engaged in my life. I was disinterested in the things happening around me. I was not impressed by all the things that should have impressed me. I was moody. I wanted to talk and listen to others talk about things that are probably not important, but so intriguing nonetheless.
I’m back to my internet community. I enjoy all the email correspondences, comments, feedback, and everything else from my followers and others who stop by to read what I write. It’s a shame that we’re scattered around the globe and cannot meet for coffee and deep talks.
I want to love life. And I mean really love life. The kind of love where I want to skip in the morning when I’m barely awake, stay up as late as I can laughing, enjoy every single day just because it exists. The kind of love where I want to shower the world in hugs and kisses.
I just want to really love life. I want to be happy and joyful and hopeful. I want to believe that my best is good enough. I want to make others believe that they are more than good enough. I want to be the kind of person I sometimes mistakenly think I am. I want to be certain that the trivial things don’t matter. I want to approach challenges with a curious, unafraid, confident mind.
I want my heart to be open, my life to be full.
I want to love life, and I want it to love me back, too.
Everyday routine consumes my energy-
I learn, I live, I make mistakes
“I’m striving towards something greater” I say,
But uncertainty fills my mind and my plans begin to shake.