Who I like and why I like them.

I like my friends. They don’t have to physically be there for me every second of every day, but I know they are always a phone call away. I know they love me, despite the distance and time between us. I know I have not been forgotten and I know I will never forget them, because they put so much sunshine into my life. Throughout the years and all of our fears, mistakes, and disagreements, we stick together because we know that every second is a blessing, a learning experience, a test of our strength. When reunited, it feels like the stars are all lined up, the world is full of rainbows and butterflies, and life appears bigger and full of endless possibilities. This is perhaps the most corny thing I have ever written, but it’s true. It’s how I feel. It’s how I hope they feel. Everything just feels right, even if everything is totally wrong and chaos surrounds us.

I liked them because they do not seek to be the center of attention. They are not selfish I like them because they listen, laugh, and love more than they talk, complain, and hate. We always have the most fun, even when doing nothing. I like them because we have similar values. We make it a point to be bluntly honest with each other, because we know the value of truth and correction. They usually use their common sense, they know their self-worth, their lives do not revolve around other’s opinions of them.

I like my friends. We don’t put labels on our friendships, we just let them be. We know they are special, and although we do not have time in our every day life to communicate, we value them all the same. 

I love my best friends. Why? Because their friendship is unconditional.

 

 

I miss you, Grandpa.

And I don’t know if you know that I miss you.
I miss my summer visits, when we’d eat brunch just you and I.
I miss our late night conversations, over milk and pie.
I miss you laughing at my fear of bugs and spiders.
I miss your stupid dog – you know, the one who would growl and show me his perfect teeth.
I miss you teaching me to ride your horse.
I miss the way you hid my bike so nobody else would take it.

I miss your big, calloused hands waving in the air telling me stories of the past.
I miss your radiant smile, and how your blue blue eyes shined when you spoke.
I miss the way you said goodbye – so kind, so gentle, so quiet, yet so full of love.
If anybody has taught me what it is to love, without having to say “I love you,” it was you.
We all felt so much love, even through the distance.
We all felt important, exciting, intelligent, and  good enough in that house you built,
We all feel blessed, to have had such an amazing, strong, brave, and wise man in our lives.

Thank you, Grandpa, for making my life better
Thank you for teaching me to seek happiness, even when life is bitter.

I miss you, Grandpa. You were and always will be my hero. <3
Rest in peace.

Confessions of an Ex-Best Friend. (Forgiveness)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010.
Confessions of an Ex-Best friend (a letter to a former friend of nine years)

Young, restless, free.
Running, spinning, safe
From boredom and tears
But not loss. – Me.

I ask few questions,
But many lies flood my ears in return.

Deceived, betrayed
You’re only hurting yourself, you think,
But look how you’ve pushed me
Away from your life,
And your actions have pulled you away from mine.

At least I remember the girl I once knew,
Who stole my likes and dislikes,
But who was never a fool.

Never expect people to stay the same. Don’t judge them for changing…

But you didn’t change for yourself,

You changed for attention and drama and problems
And for something to do.
Potential, brains, love, friends, family – all remained
Yet it wasn’t enough, it’s never enough for you

Is it?

“Honestly, I’m almost done” remember that line?
Done what? You never said anything about starting,
And now you race to the finish with your pupils dilated
And your body too thin, and the smell the smell the smell,
Hands shaking, answering calls, running around
Always late, never time to breathe, never a time to care about others
Friendship is a two way deal, and ours is a lost cause

I tried, you lied, I tried, you lied, I quit.

There’s no sugar coating it, I deserved a better friend

And you deserved my trying and attempts to help.
You got what you deserved,
But you tossed it aside in your “busy” life
Full of emptiness and fear.

I’m gone, going out to wander, and to let who I deserve find me.
Life is too short to stick around and be walked all over.

Life is too beautiful to surround oneself with people who cannot appreciate its natural highs and lows and colors and situations.
Life is too precious to spend it running and not caring about those who matter.

Life is life, and I’m planning on living it the way I’ve never even dreamed of living it.

And if by any chance you want to be a part of this beautiful mess called my life

There is room for you in my heart still, there will always be room for you.  But I have higher expectations than I did when I was nine.

Continuation of Confusion.

Distance and time separate bodies,
But souls are forever less than a heartbeat away.

The continuation of life, the separation-
All for the better future.
Bright, so bright the lights shine,
But still drowning in confusion.

In the departure there is trust,
In the arrival lies hope.
In the heart there are bright shiny gemstones,
On the face there are clear, salty tears.