12172012 – Not there

Glistening, colorful lights.
Hot, sweet lattes.
Cold, loud nights.

Laughter.
Friends.
Joy.
Why is my heart a galaxy away?

12012012 – Finished

Done wishing that the little things I care about so much were different. 

Done hoping that you’d realize and love enough to make an effort.

Done giving you the resources you need to make this work.

I’m finished. My work here is done. 

11162012 – Peace and War

In the silence, in the rain, on a rough day.

All I can see is your smile. All i can hear is your laugh.

I smile, as tears run down my face.

Just like you smiled, when you held my face with your calloused hands, as you kissed my cheeks.

As I talked on and made promises I could never keep, you just nodded.

You nodded, hugged, cried, laughed.

You may be Resting in Peace, but your Love Fights my Wars.

It always wins.

11142012 – Promises

I hear, see, observe the same thing.

On girls who are in love, in clouds.

On girls whose boys are not serious, too young.

On girls who have been in one relationship, for one month, for one moment.

Promise rings. 

Useless. 

To cure the disease that is doubt, perhaps.

Meaningless.

Promises, like legal contracts, are only necessary when they are broken. 

Who I like and why I like them.

I like my friends. They don’t have to physically be there for me every second of every day, but I know they are always a phone call away. I know they love me, despite the distance and time between us. I know I have not been forgotten and I know I will never forget them, because they put so much sunshine into my life. Throughout the years and all of our fears, mistakes, and disagreements, we stick together because we know that every second is a blessing, a learning experience, a test of our strength. When reunited, it feels like the stars are all lined up, the world is full of rainbows and butterflies, and life appears bigger and full of endless possibilities. This is perhaps the most corny thing I have ever written, but it’s true. It’s how I feel. It’s how I hope they feel. Everything just feels right, even if everything is totally wrong and chaos surrounds us.

I liked them because they do not seek to be the center of attention. They are not selfish I like them because they listen, laugh, and love more than they talk, complain, and hate. We always have the most fun, even when doing nothing. I like them because we have similar values. We make it a point to be bluntly honest with each other, because we know the value of truth and correction. They usually use their common sense, they know their self-worth, their lives do not revolve around other’s opinions of them.

I like my friends. We don’t put labels on our friendships, we just let them be. We know they are special, and although we do not have time in our every day life to communicate, we value them all the same. 

I love my best friends. Why? Because their friendship is unconditional.

 

 

06192012

Amiss

A mess

Capacious truth.

Neglected

Rejected

Suspicions Confirmed.

Walking away.

Fill your life with people who are positive and driven. Surround yourself with those who are honest, intelligent, and bring happiness into your life. Too many times, it’s our failing relationships that put unnecessary stress and frustration into our lives. If a remedy is impossible, maybe it means that it’s time to walk away

06062012

Freedom.

Freedom isn’t about being reckless or heartless.
Freedom is letting go of everything that weighs heavy on your soul.
Freedom is opening your eyes to new experiences and ways of knowing.
Freedom is about not allowing failure or struggle to discourage you.
Freedom is being comfortable with your own thoughts, with your actions, with you.

Freedom is the ability to find happiness in a broken world.

Lake Tahoe after the sunrise.

The only thing I want:

I want to love life. And I mean really love life. The kind of love where I want to skip in the morning when I’m barely awake, stay up as late as I can laughing, enjoy every single day just because it exists. The kind of love where I want to shower the world in hugs and kisses.
I just want to really love life. I want to be happy and joyful and hopeful. I want to believe that my best is good enough. I want to make others believe that they are more than good enough. I want to be the kind of person I sometimes mistakenly think I am. I want to be certain that the trivial things don’t matter. I want to approach challenges with a curious, unafraid, confident mind.

I want my heart to be open, my life to be full.

I want to love life, and I want it to love me back, too.

Your own goals at your own pace.

I’m sitting in a campus café, overhearing conversations about classes, jobs, internships, etc.
I’m feeling inferior – I am definitely not taking as many classes, not applying to excessively time demanding positions, not doing as much. Period.

But then I step back and drown out the noise.
I have to stop and remind myself:

Grade point averages don’t define my worth (sometimes I wish they did)
The number of classes I am tackling this semester does not define my intelligence.

We all have different talents, work habits, interests.
We all have different plans, world-views, strategies.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us –
We need to be the best we can be;
We need to give everything we do a hundred percent,

Success is the reward for effort and perseverance,

Achieve your own goals at your own pace – you’ll be surprised at what you’re capable of.

Listen to your mind, body, heart:  Only you know what’s best for you.

 04102012