Who I like and why I like them.

I like my friends. They don’t have to physically be there for me every second of every day, but I know they are always a phone call away. I know they love me, despite the distance and time between us. I know I have not been forgotten and I know I will never forget them, because they put so much sunshine into my life. Throughout the years and all of our fears, mistakes, and disagreements, we stick together because we know that every second is a blessing, a learning experience, a test of our strength. When reunited, it feels like the stars are all lined up, the world is full of rainbows and butterflies, and life appears bigger and full of endless possibilities. This is perhaps the most corny thing I have ever written, but it’s true. It’s how I feel. It’s how I hope they feel. Everything just feels right, even if everything is totally wrong and chaos surrounds us.

I liked them because they do not seek to be the center of attention. They are not selfish I like them because they listen, laugh, and love more than they talk, complain, and hate. We always have the most fun, even when doing nothing. I like them because we have similar values. We make it a point to be bluntly honest with each other, because we know the value of truth and correction. They usually use their common sense, they know their self-worth, their lives do not revolve around other’s opinions of them.

I like my friends. We don’t put labels on our friendships, we just let them be. We know they are special, and although we do not have time in our every day life to communicate, we value them all the same. 

I love my best friends. Why? Because their friendship is unconditional.

 

 

Freedom.

Freedom isn’t about being reckless or heartless.
Freedom is letting go of everything that weighs heavy on your soul.
Freedom is opening your eyes to new experiences and ways of knowing.
Freedom is about not allowing failure or struggle to discourage you.
Freedom is being comfortable with your own thoughts, with your actions, with you.

Freedom is the ability to find happiness in a broken world.

Lake Tahoe after the sunrise.

Reflection: Needing Others

What I believed until about five minutes ago:
Nobody needs anybody else. I mean, sure, we like having certain people in our lives and cannot imagine our worlds without them. But we can and will survive without their presence, and they will and can survive without ours. It’s depressing and we don’t like acknowledging that our relationships are not necessary, lasting, irreplaceable. We get used to people. Their presence in our memories makes them appear to be essential characters in the story we call Life. Without the characters and their interactions with ourselves – we cease to believe in the existence of the story, and in the lonesome state, we discard the value associated with our own character. Regardless, we live and breathe on. The innate desire to live ignites our fallen spirits, and we find happiness in other places. We build new relationships, and once again – we believe we need them. Perhaps it’s difficult to admit that we are creatures forever solitary, and thus, we attempt to forge needs – and with them comes an irrational dependence on mortal relationships.

What I believe now:
Needs are those things which are required for our well-being. Needs are not necessarily only the substances and conditions we need to simply survive, but also conditions under which we have the ability to thrive. When one is in “need” – one requires some sort of relief. Therefore, needs are not clearly defined. So do we need certain people? Yes. We need their love, compassion, their friendship. We need their perfections and flaws, we need their criticism, thoughts, support, and presence in our lives. We know we need them when they are not present – we feel it, we hate it, we ache for their love. Although life goes on, regardless of their whereabouts, we know something is not right when they are gone. Just because we learn to live without them, doesn’t mean we don’t need them. As much as we tell ourselves that we can be completely independent, I don’t think we ever actually believe ourselves. Life is this unifying experience – we’re all new to it, we don’t really know what we’re doing, and we don’t really know where we’re going. We’re in it together and we need each other, because even though happiness is a personal endeavor, it’s easier to find when surrounded by those who have become indispensable to our worlds.

Among the clouds.

Fog invades the bay –
The world is suddenly covered in a cloud,
The world becomes so small, known, and cold.

My fingers are numb,
The cold stings my face,
Little droplets of mist tickle my nose.

Fog, a cold breeze, a bright sun –
It’s winter in California.
What I would do if I could spend it with you and your warm laughter.

Everlasting love.

My perception of this idea of “eternity” is blurry, although I certainly believe in its existence.
I am unable to fully comprehend what it means to be eternally loved.
Nonetheless, God tells me:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
 I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”  
Jeremiah 31:3

He tells me that he continues to show me kindness –
Because his faithfulness is unfailing, and his love is without restrictions.
I am in awe of such a love – one that is everlasting and unconditional.

My relationship with God has been bumpy the past few weeks,
And this is an immediate consequence of my failure to show up on our daily dates – with an open heart, an open Book, and a grateful soul.

Life gets busy, problems require solutions, tests require studying, etc.
I depend on my own knowledge and strength, until I realize that I cannot face this life on my own.
And then, when a reality check informs me that I need God back,
He says “I have drawn you with unfailing kindness,”
He never let go, even when my life permitted him only a few minutes of my oh-so-valuable time.

He took all my problems, my struggles, my tears, my pain…
He took them and told me to rest, to find peace in his everlasting love, which was independent of  who I was and what I had failed to do to.

” But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.”
Isaiah 53:5

I am undeserving of such a sacrifice, such a Love, and such a friendship.
I am constantly amazed at how much value I have in God’s eyes, and how much room he keeps for me in his heart.

I am loved.
You are loved.
And from experiencing this beautiful love – we must also learn how to love – unconditionally and eternally.
Becoming better friends with others, ourselves, and God.

Reminiscing, but no wishing.

And when I look back and remember all of the people who used to be a huge part of my life, I smile. Not because those were perfect times or amazing friends, but because we learned, grew up, and moved on. I don’t miss anything. They’re nice thoughts, but the people currently in my life are definitely blessings.

Things that make life worth it.

Things that make me happy. [Part 1]

– Love. Just loving people and being loved by people.

– Living. What a blessing.

– Praying to God. I know he always listens, even if my thoughts are a mess and I’m bawling and my words are all jumbled and I make no sense.

– God and his beauty and miracles. Serving God by serving others. It’s the best feeling in the world to do good, make someone smile, help someone in need, and to just be there for another person.

– Autumn weather, autumn air, autumn everything. Rain, lightning, thunder, sunshine, warm boots, warm clothing, jackets, umbrellas, rain boots, scarves, hats, tissues, stepping on crunchy leaves, jumping in puddles, being drenched while walking to/from your car, singing and dancing in the rain, fireplaces and warm blankets and good books and good company, hot tea, yummy deserts, apple pie, peaceful music, that feeling you get when you know your nose is slightly pink because it’s chilly outside, the beauty that is the sky after the rain with the clouds and rays of sunshine. Autumn everything.

– Breakfast. Breakfast food in the morning and late at night.

– Eating. I know it’s necessary and blahblahblah. But I just really like good food. I’m more of a European food fanatic. I love good pastries. I love meat. I love fine breads.I love real food. But sometimes I have intense cravings for sushi and chips and cheesburgers.

– Milk. I drink over 4 cups a day.

– Ketchup.

– My family. Even though they’re kind of loud, embarrassing, and drive me nuts at times, they mean everything.

– Best friends. Talks with best friends, hugs with best friends, laughs, smiles, tears. Just being with best friends….and all the “interesting” conversations and adventures.

– My boyfriend. I’m not going to brag, but he’s pretty much amazing.

– Smiling. Laughing. Living.

– People who make me laugh.

– Shy people. I like listening to them talk. Not surprisingly, they’re much more interesting than the ones who talk too much.

– Getting in Jerry (my car) and realizing that whichever family member borrowed my car last, filled it up with gas.

– Finding Jerry in a huge parking lot in less than five minutes!

– Writing. It is such a liberating experience.

– Getting mail. As in, letters and postcards and gifts. Definitely not bills and not postcards with photographs of nice beaches that say “Friendly Reminder – It’s that time again to visit your dentist for your annual check up!” Yeah, no thanks doc.

– Sappy love songs when I’m missing that special someone. They just make me miss him a lot more, but they help me sleep. [Learned this on my 5 week vacation]

– Owning designer jeans. Obsession. Enough said.

– Waking up and feeling pretty good about the way I look. This is rare.

– Waking up and actually getting up before the alarm clock goes off.

– Waking up in the afternoon versus before the afternoon.

– I said waking up three times, but that’s not what really makes me happy. It’s more like getting a good night’s sleep.

– Naps are a luxury.

– Watching the sunrise and the sunset. But I’d pick watching stars all night over seeing the sunrise or sunset any day.

– Roadtrips. With people who make me happy, of course.

– Learning. I love knowing things. I love people who can teach me something.

– Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.

– Being nice to people when I feel angry/irritated/sad/etc. It makes me feel like I’m still capable of being a good person despite my personal issues.

– Making people smile. When people smile in general. I think everyone looks a million times better when they’re happy.

– That AH-HAH moment when you figure something out that has been on your mind for days.

– Google. It helps me avoid asking dumb questions that make people feel uncomfortable explaining. And it makes me feel like I know everything.

– Not sleeping alone.

– Going on adventures. I define adventure as: an unpredictable series of events that occur due to confusion, failed attempts to correct mistakes, boredom, etc. These series of events can result in either trouble, embarrassment, uncontrollable laughter, or minor injury of those both directly and indirectly involved, and of inanimate objects where applicable.