12172012 – Not there

Glistening, colorful lights.
Hot, sweet lattes.
Cold, loud nights.

Laughter.
Friends.
Joy.
Why is my heart a galaxy away?

A letter to a grave five thousand miles away.

I wish I never promised.
I wish I could have stayed. 
I wish that life had granted us more time,
More laughter,
More breakfasts together
More more more,
But less pain.

And maybe you didn’t know,
But every time I said goodbye, my heart broke.
I loved your home, your laughter, your love for all of life.
You didn’t pick and choose, you saw beauty where I saw chaos.
Your world view inspires me, I take it with me through life’s journey.
I want to see the world how you saw it.
I want to sit and chat and learn.
I miss your wisdom and sincerity.
I miss you.  

I miss you, Grandpa.

And I don’t know if you know that I miss you.
I miss my summer visits, when we’d eat brunch just you and I.
I miss our late night conversations, over milk and pie.
I miss you laughing at my fear of bugs and spiders.
I miss your stupid dog – you know, the one who would growl and show me his perfect teeth.
I miss you teaching me to ride your horse.
I miss the way you hid my bike so nobody else would take it.

I miss your big, calloused hands waving in the air telling me stories of the past.
I miss your radiant smile, and how your blue blue eyes shined when you spoke.
I miss the way you said goodbye – so kind, so gentle, so quiet, yet so full of love.
If anybody has taught me what it is to love, without having to say “I love you,” it was you.
We all felt so much love, even through the distance.
We all felt important, exciting, intelligent, and  good enough in that house you built,
We all feel blessed, to have had such an amazing, strong, brave, and wise man in our lives.

Thank you, Grandpa, for making my life better
Thank you for teaching me to seek happiness, even when life is bitter.

I miss you, Grandpa. You were and always will be my hero. <3
Rest in peace.

Among the clouds.

Fog invades the bay –
The world is suddenly covered in a cloud,
The world becomes so small, known, and cold.

My fingers are numb,
The cold stings my face,
Little droplets of mist tickle my nose.

Fog, a cold breeze, a bright sun –
It’s winter in California.
What I would do if I could spend it with you and your warm laughter.

Such a wonderful cover of Jamie Grace’s song “Hold Me”

These girls are so incredibly beautiful and talented! Their smiles and their happiness is contagious.

Missing my best friend(s)

Life has scattered us around this big ol’ sunny state.

But my happiness lies in knowing that our friendship is not a function of physical distance and constant communication. Our friendship is strong because we have too many memories holding us like superglue, too many laughs that still warm our hearts, and too many shared sorrows that have united us in facing life and all of its surprises…

Our hearts will always have room for eachother.

Is this cheesy? Perhaps. But I can’t help being thankful for being blessed with such amazing friends.