Your own goals at your own pace.

I’m sitting in a campus café, overhearing conversations about classes, jobs, internships, etc.
I’m feeling inferior – I am definitely not taking as many classes, not applying to excessively time demanding positions, not doing as much. Period.

But then I step back and drown out the noise.
I have to stop and remind myself:

Grade point averages don’t define my worth (sometimes I wish they did)
The number of classes I am tackling this semester does not define my intelligence.

We all have different talents, work habits, interests.
We all have different plans, world-views, strategies.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us –
We need to be the best we can be;
We need to give everything we do a hundred percent,

Success is the reward for effort and perseverance,

Achieve your own goals at your own pace – you’ll be surprised at what you’re capable of.

Listen to your mind, body, heart:  Only you know what’s best for you.

 04102012

Words Behind Bars

There is so much to say,
But so little silence.
So many thoughts –
But sleep creeps in, and then they are lost
Lost, lost, lost forever in dreamland.

Every confusion, every mistake –
Speaks and never ceases to attack
The helpless mind, that has no alternative but to call it a day,
Admits defeat, but refuses to quit trying…
Tomorrow, tomorrow:  thoughts will be free.

But there is no time to let one’s mind wander.
And there is so little courage to grant freedom to words.
Everyday, tedious tasks occupy ninety-nine percent of our thinking faculties,
Everyday, our own judgmental inclinations seal our lips and freeze our tongues-
Yet we continue to justify our silence to ourselves,  claiming it arises out of fear of criticism from others.

Thus, words remain behind bars.
Thoughts remain in compartments in our hearts.
They are factors in our decision-making processes, our value judgments, our emotions.
They define our perception of the world, yet they are buried, hidden, obscure, personal.
They define our relationships with others, ourselves, our surroundings.
So powerful, so secret, but yet so universal.

I am not broken.

My heart has slightly cracked, but it’s a new kind of sadness.
The kind that twists my brain in knots and covers my skin in goosebumps.
But from this pain I know: I am not broken.

I am not the first nor the last to be lied to.
I am not the only human being that has been disappointed by someone dear to me.
I am not the only girl who has lost trust in something once so beautiful, something I once held very close to my heart.

But from this pain I have learned a lesson.
No: I will not harden my feelings, I will neither refuse to love nor trust.
I will always and forever favor burdensome truth over ignorance and lies.
I will not hate or injure or retaliate.

I will forgive.
Or rather, I will learn to forgive.
I am taking this as a life lesson on patience and love and kindness and forgiveness.
I cannot forget, but I refuse to let this one moment redefine someone I once treasured.

And from all of this I have learned the following lessons for myself and my relationships:

Do not disappoint and disrespect those who value your presence in their life.
Constantly forgive, but also realize when your forgiveness has been taken for granted…and if it has – still forgive, but walk away.
Allow your heart and mind to reach a compromise – following only one or the other is never a bright idea.
Do not ever allow this world and its people to make your heart cold, your temper hot, your walls high.
Love, always love. Regardless.