I wish I never promised.
I wish I could have stayed.
I wish that life had granted us more time,
More breakfasts together
More more more,
But less pain.
And maybe you didn’t know,
But every time I said goodbye, my heart broke.
I loved your home, your laughter, your love for all of life.
You didn’t pick and choose, you saw beauty where I saw chaos.
Your world view inspires me, I take it with me through life’s journey.
I want to see the world how you saw it.
I want to sit and chat and learn.
I miss your wisdom and sincerity.
I miss you.
Your happiness is yours.
You can keep it, hide it, share it, give it away.
But I suggest you keep it.
Hold onto it as long as you can.
If you hide it – you might forget exactly where you placed it.
If you share it – a fragment of your Happiness will no longer belong to only you.
If you give it away – there is no guarantee that the recipient will value it, because your happiness is best understood and most effective when it belongs to you.
And if you love someone, encourage them to find theirs – whatever that may consists of.
This is where my hope and happiness was found, shared, hidden, broken, and ultimately restored.
I’m constantly surrounded by people, and this tends to inhibit my ability to think clearly about things I want to think about. So, today, I had dinner with myself.
I sat in the balcony with my favorite Italian pasta dish from a small restaurant down the street.
I faced San Francisco and the setting sun.
The beauty of it all overwhelmed me.
It was chilly and bright and quiet –
The cool wind kept me company and drew me back to reality every time my mind drifted too far.
And I liked it.
I realized that lately I have become so critical of myself.
I have let failures fracture my self-esteem and confidence.
I have let stressful situations and insecurities break my convictions in the beauties of life.
My little date with myself and my thoughts made me love myself more.
It made me sure of who I am and what I want to do.
It made me forgive myself and others –
It gave me the opportunity to fall in love with my life again.
Life is not easy. I think we all learn that very quickly in the process of growing up.
But oh my God, it is so beautiful –
And I’ve spent too long doubting, criticizing, over-analyzing everything.
I’m at peace – with the world, with my struggles, with the hurdles I must jump to get to where I need to be.
I’m giving everything I care for one hundred percent of my effort,
But I’m setting higher standards for the way I treat myself.
You said “I will”
You said “I promise”
You said you’d try your best.
And as those words came through your lips,
I smiled a sad smile –
I knew how rarely promises were kept,
I knew I didn’t like them for that reason.
And these promises weren’t even about big, important things.
They were little, ordinary assurances
You broke them and honey I believe in signs –
No, I’m not angry, but my trust in your words has sunk a little further.
Perhaps this is me overreacting.
Perhaps you are incapable of keeping your word.
Promises, promises, promises –
Please don’t make them, and save everyone the hurt.
I asked you to come back,
You asked me to come back.
I came back
And that’s when I realized that you never left.
My world lies to me – it seeks to convince me that you’re gone and busy.
But in the silence, in my despair
You reach out to me, you whisper in my ear:
I’m here, I’m there, I’m wherever you are –
My love never leaves you,
I’m here, love.
I’ll always be here.