12012012 – Finished

Done wishing that the little things I care about so much were different. 

Done hoping that you’d realize and love enough to make an effort.

Done giving you the resources you need to make this work.

I’m finished. My work here is done. 

11142012 – Promises

I hear, see, observe the same thing.

On girls who are in love, in clouds.

On girls whose boys are not serious, too young.

On girls who have been in one relationship, for one month, for one moment.

Promise rings. 

Useless. 

To cure the disease that is doubt, perhaps.

Meaningless.

Promises, like legal contracts, are only necessary when they are broken. 

I saw you.

I saw your face, before I closed my eyes to sleep.
The image so crystal clear, I shrieked.
I felt like I could touch it,
But your skin, barely covering your bones, was too blue 
And I was afraid.
My heart worked too hard,
As I attempted to breathe.
I forcefully closed my eyes, only to open them and find that I could still see you.
I saw you.

 

Never be so afraid of a tumble

As I spend the next few weeks sketching out a rough game plan for my future, I plan to write more. There is just too many dreams to dream, things to do, places to see, and goals to accomplish. I love spontaneity, but I am definitely a firm believe in plans. Dreams cannot become realities if we don’t even attempt to pursue them in some logical sequence. Plans change, but that’s what makes them beautiful. The future is big. It scares me. I’m uncertain about where I will go and what I will do and who will be there with me. Nonetheless, I’m dreaming and planning, but most importantly – pursuing. With all the choices, technicalities, issues, and conflicts that arise, I am constantly reminding myself of these words:

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled
in the dirt once or twice.
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

04022012

Peaceful sunsets

I’m constantly surrounded by people, and this tends to inhibit my ability to think clearly about things I want to think about. So, today, I had dinner with myself.

I sat in the balcony with my favorite Italian pasta dish from a small restaurant down the street.
I faced San Francisco and the setting sun.
The beauty of it all overwhelmed me.
It was chilly and bright and quiet –
The cool wind kept me company and drew me back to reality every time my mind drifted too far.

And I liked it.
I realized that lately I have become so critical of myself.
I have let failures fracture my self-esteem and confidence.
I have let stressful situations and insecurities break my convictions in the beauties of life.

My little date with myself and my thoughts made me love myself more.
It made me sure of who I am and what I want to do.
It made me forgive myself and others –
It gave me the opportunity to fall in love with my life again.

Life is not easy. I think we all learn that very quickly in the process of growing up.
But oh my God, it is so beautiful –
And I’ve spent too long doubting, criticizing,  over-analyzing everything.

I’m at peace – with the world, with my struggles, with the hurdles I must jump to get to where I need to be.
I’m giving everything I care for one hundred percent of my effort, 
But I’m setting higher standards for the way I treat myself.

03072012

Spring 2011.

My inspiration for the next few weeks ~

Life is a gift, and it offers us privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming something more.
–Anthony Robbins

Dreams are fragile things.

Everyday routine consumes my energy-
I learn, I live, I make mistakes
“I’m striving towards something greater” I say,
But uncertainty fills my mind and my plans begin to shake. 

02092012

Life doesn’t have to be fair.

Life doesn’t have to treat you kindly.

You have to be strong during the stresses, the storms it sends your ways.

Life doesn’t have to be convenient,

You have to be prepared for the good, the bad, the impossible.

Life doesn’t have to follow your plans,

You have to stick to your dreams, regardless of temporary detours.

Life just doesn’t have to be fair, and let’s face it, it really isn’t fair:

But it’s so very beautiful, if you choose happiness.

Quite the Feminist.

I am quite the feminist.
No, I am not a “crazy,” I am just a firm believer in equality, opportunity, and justice.

I believe that although there has been progress on the rights front, it is not enough to change rules and laws and literature and political slogans.
I don’t think we’re supposed to attack religions that emphasize the role of a mother, wife, and woman.
I think we’re supposed to educate, because ultimately – lives depend more on our social values than on  those words written in books in libraries that nobody seems to go to anymore.

Just because progress has been made, does not mean that we are finished.
Yes, it’s been worse. However, it can be better. We can do better.
Instead of focusing on changing the rights of women all around the world – invading cultures, traditions, relgions, etc, maybe we should focus on changing the mindsets of the people within our own communities.

I am more repulsed by musical artists that make millions of dollars “singing” songs that degrade women, than I am by cultures that trample women’s rights.
Not because I think these women are unimportant, but because their culture can admit the unfairness, by making it transparent.
While we live in a society where women have rights, and privacy laws exist, etc. yet it’s okay for children to listen to these degrading songs.
Hypocrisy? I think so.

And we expect these young girls to value education and independence? We expect these young girls to run from abusive relationships and respect themselves, when every hit on the radio has told them otherwise?
And we expect these young boys to acknowledge the equality of both ability and mind among both genders?  We expect these boys to treat girls with respect?

Maybe I’m just another girl, offended by popular culture.
Maybe I’m just another woman, whose eyes don’t see and ears don’t hear the equality promised to all mankind.
Maybe I’m just another woman, who wants the world to change.
I pray that I’m a woman who is able to change something or help someone.

I’m just a dreamer, wishing for change.